I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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