i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
