Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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