i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
