Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
