Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
