do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
