Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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