i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
