omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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