wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
