My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
