We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
