So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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