I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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