the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize