I accidentally had phone sex last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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