Who did Billy Mays play for?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
