So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize