mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
