conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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