We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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