I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
