You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
