Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
