I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I am morally bankrupt
i think i have herpe
just one?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
