She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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