haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
