There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
