I faked an abortion last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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