watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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