Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Randomize
