did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
