Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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