He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had sex on a roof
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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