After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
