A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
