I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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