I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can't believe i had my finger in that
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
