to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
