i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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