my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
