I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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