party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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