Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
