The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
