We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
