Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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