# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
