I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
