Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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