wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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