A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
