And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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