We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
