I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize