i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
