I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
