dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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