I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
