Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
