great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My ATM looks so different sober.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
