Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
