Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
