He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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