she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
