I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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