I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
