new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
