Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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