walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
