Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
